3 Tips to Start Flexing Your Leadership Personality Today

May 03, 2023

Most of the business owners & entrepreneurs I talk with know that there's something in the way of them achieving next-level results... they just aren't sure what that something is.

Unfortunately, they get so distracted listening to advice that doesn't actually apply to them, that they overlook how simple transformation can be when they get the right advice.

That's why it's so powerful to understand YOUR unique personality type.

Because if you know this, you'll automatically get a clue of what's holding you back, and you can filter out any "noise" that isn't relevant to that specific problem.

So, keep reading this article if you want to learn three basic tips to clarify what YOU need to shift, make the right correction, and break through the upper limit that's been holding you back for who knows how long.


First of all, if you aren't sure what your Leadership Personality Style is then, take the quiz to find out. Remember this is typically how you OPERATE and not fixed personality traits. I want to take you out of the box and not keep you in it!

There are 4 primary operating systems and I like to refer to them as "The Alpha", "The Nurturer", "The Social Butterfly" and "The Nerd".

Here are simple ways to recognize them:

  1. The Alpha: They are very direct, don't like small talk or fluff and can seem impatient if you don't get to the point quickly.
  2. The Nurturer: They are sweet and kind. They will bend over backwards for you and have a strong people pleaser in them.
  3. The Social Butterfly: They are the fun and outgoing types and they usually overcommit to a lot of things and have FOMO (Fear of missing out).
  4. The Nerd: They are analytical and critical thinkers and love numbers and facts. Their brain works like a machine and details are important to them.

So whatever operating system shows up most for you, doesn't mean you need to hang on to that in all situations and with all people. You can flex your personality.

This is not always easy and takes practice but anyone can do it and I promise when you learn this and hone your skills you will break through your upper ceiling. People will want to work with you and you will be influencing challenges and stepping up your game in no time!

Here are three tips to get started today.

Tip #1: Develop Curiosity and Let Go of Judgement

Good leaders are observers of themselves and others. Whenever you meet someone pay attention to 3 things that tell a lot about their operating system. What they are saying, what they are doing, and their body language.

Listen for what they are saying and patterns in their communication. People speak about what's important to them so listen beyond the words to their values.

Alpha's talk about money, prestige and accomplishments. Nurturer's talk about family, helping others and their acts of service. Social Butterflies talk about adventures, fun times and things that excite them. Nerds talk about facts, driving results and getting things done.

When interacting with people with different operating systems the unconscious tendency is to judge, resist the temptation and just listen.

I had a woman book an enrolment call with me one time and she talked about all her credentials, accolades and accomplishments. Right away I pegged her for an Alpha type. At first, it was a bit triggering for me because I was thinking, "If she is so great and successful why is she on a call with me? What is her intention?"

I got curious and just listened and I could hear a strong need for validation and respect and knew that under that was some feelings of not "enoughness" and I leaned into my nurturer and said, "Wow. I want to acknowledge you for all your accomplishments and success. Sounds like you've overcome a lot in your past to get to where you are today." I showed her respect and I could see that facade melt away.

It was a magical moment. Alpha's like to be respected and validated so do that and watch them shift in front of your eyes.

Body language is also a key factor to look for.

Are their arms crossed? Are they closed off? Do they seem open and forthcoming with information? What are they wearing? Are they leaning forward or back.

Notice EVERYTHING including their environment. All important clues that can give you a lot of information and then get curious and ask questions!

Truly understanding and taking the time to understand what makes people tick will help you reach the next level.

Tip #2: Flex your personality based on what operating type you are dealing with

Once you get curious and look for the patterns now you get to speak their language. This is where the super power comes in and the flexing begins. It doesn't matter what your typical operating system is, you get to flex to meet people where they are at.

How do you do this?

If your leadership style is more direct and forward, flex into being more nurturing for people that need that approach. If you're fun and bubbly flex into the more methodical type for the nerd types. Know that style flexing is not manipulation or giving up your identity, it's partnering for a goal. The name of the game is connection and when you are mirroring them, they will get a sense of being heard and seen.

Tip #3: Playing team is playing to win

Leadership isn't about lone wolfing. The days of "I am on the top and everyone else is below me" leadership beliefs are outdated and ineffective.

During challenging circumstances and situations picture winning at a conversation where everyone walks away feeling heard and valued.

Playing to win is finding a solution to a problem and everyone walks away feeling heard and valued.

Playing not to lose is letting the ego take over and dominating. This leaves everyone feeling disconnected and unsafe.

Not playing at all is "My way or the highway" mentality.

If the game is partnerships for change the only way that is effective is playing to win!

Personality style flexing is an art. It's a dance in a conversation and over time and with practice it can be a magical experience and set you apart from others. You will build deep connections and relationships with everyone that you meet.

If you want a more personalized assessment of how you may be holding yourself back, and how you can use my personality based sales and leadership system to breakthrough, then just click the link to book a call.


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